Archive for May, 2010

I Love You
May 15, 2010

I love you,

even if I don’t know you

even when you stay quiet

even when you make me mad

even when you run out of words

even when you hate me

even when you love someone else

even when you disappear for days, months, years

even when you reprimand me

even when you get sick

even when you keep complaining

even when you turn your back on me

even when you start getting some wrinkles

even when you act cold

even when you are crying

even when you’re not looking at me

even when you say you lose interest

I will still try to love you

And try and try and try

Whatever happens, I’ll try to keep loving you

I just hope that you will wait


My True Identity
May 15, 2010

I’ve grown certain that the root of all fear is that we’ve been forced to deny who we are – Frances Moore Lappe

If I can change one bit of myself, what would it be?

Let me see… The fact that I’m a loner? A solitude-loving loner?

If I say yes, that will mean I have to say that being a loner makes me unhappy. That will also mean I have to deny my own self.

Yes, maybe I don’t have that many friends, although I do have some. Yes, sometimes I feel like I don’t fit into the groups I encounter everyday, but most of the time I’m okay with that. So what makes me say loner at the first place?

Reflecting more, I realize it’s because of the nagging people around me make. Day after day I hear speeches of how I should be more active, becoming more sociable and find more friends. The fact is those speeches are made by people who think they know me, while in reality I don’t really think they do.

Yes, I meet them everyday. Yes, I speak a lot to them. But that doesn’t make me visible like a piece of glass to them.

I might not fit into the group that exists in my daily life, but I do find a sense of belonging in another group, the one that I can’t see everyday but I feel every moment. Why do these people have to place their focus on my flaw when I have strength?

I wouldn’t want to change a thing in me. What I want to do is to tell someone: stop expecting me to be the person I’m not, someone who really exists out there but not me. I will never be another person whom you favour. Accept me as I am.

It’s not that I refuse to change. It’s that I am being forced to imitate someone who looks so perfect in people’s eyes. Even if I change, I’ll never be the same person as she is. I might belong to the one-third of the population, but that doesn’t make me unseen.

Please deal with that.

I‘m an introvert at heart… And show business – even though I’ve loved it so much – has always been hard for me – Roy Rogers