A Midnight Heart Spills

I’ve been listening to several same songs for the past few days, all because of you. And today you asked me what was wrong, I didn’t have the courage to say.

You don’t know that you’ve haunted my mind since July 1st, don’t you? Because I covered everything inside.

Did I read any signals wrong? Because I’m completely thrown about in hesitation and doubts, thinking about you and the chances of your feeling for me. And I’ve been questioning myself too – is it a pure, genuine feeling, or is it my insecurity? Am I just having another grim mood, or am I going crazy?

All because of you – because of what I thought and asked about you.

Do I ever crossed your mind, for once, in a longing feeling? And I mean this apart from when you read anything in your facebook home about me. That’s also why I stopped putting in status and logged out after five seconds – I hate that I have the idea that it was always me who started a chat first, and that I have convinced myself you’re fed up of them by now.

I hate to think that I always miss you in my mind, while you have your own life. I know you have your own friends, your own life – your own pretend lover. Yes I knew about them, and I knew I’d hurt from jealousy to read anything about you and them. And yet, I still chose to. I chose to break what was left of the pieces of my heart, harder than before until they turned into plain dust, and I still looked for them and tried to break the dust. I’m surprised that I haven’t exploded from all these messy thoughts. I think I’m really going insane before August 20th.

And I still have no idea about how you might feel toward me.

It’s nearly two a.m. and I’m all alone, and I need you now.

It’s just that I don’t have the courage, not after you rejected to go out with me. Via facebook.

And I’m still missing you too much.


One Response

  1. lovel;y…

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