Being Indecisive – Deadlines
April 1, 2013

(This is a follow-up of the previous post on a different subject)

Instead of typing this post out, I could take care of other more-important matters. For example, I could work on my work permit application. I could also work on an Italian assignment, or scour Kijiji for a room-for-rent. Read Soucouyant or complete the requirements for my visa to visit Italy. Instead, I’m typing this post out.

I hate myself with a ferocious guilt, and I’m drowned in guilt, because I know that everything stems from my indecisiveness. I hate that I don’t have the right motivation to spark me into fulfilling my responsibilities, and I hate that I know that I hate myself for that, and I haven’t done anything, and I hate that I know that I know that I hate myself, and I hate that I know that I know that I know that I hate myself.

The truth is that right now I don’t know if these are the things I want. But I can’t really avoid them, can I? These matters have deadlines, and I’m afraid that if I fail to do them, I’d have regrets in the future. And I’m afraid of regrets, really afraid.