Being Indecisive
April 1, 2013

I admit, I could be very indecisive occasionally. I’m even indecisive over whether I’m feeling lonely right now. If I watch a romantic scene in a movie or see photographs of my friends with their special ones on Facebook, there’s a silent longing that grows unnoticed within me. Shallow? I think so too. But whenever I feel that longing, I wonder if there is a special person I’m fond of now, and I realize that I probably want only a person, any person, to be with me. Foolishly, I imagine those romantic scenes – mixed with my own unrealistic imagination – and wonder if that is exactly what I want. If that would make me happy and fulfilled. But life doesn’t follow the rules of romantic movies, and relationships aren’t for Facebook boasts. I would remind myself – reminded suddenly – of that. Then I would question whether I actually want someone.

Indecisive? Yes, I know. I also wonder if there would come a time when I want a person, a specific person, and not just anyone who will do. I wonder if there would come a time when I stop being indecisive and actually decide if I want a relationship.