The Eyes With No Pearl Earring
April 14, 2014

As drops form a pattern that blurs the glass window to the world outside, I look at the falling rain and think about you.

You don’t know this, but in the stack of posters that lie underneath the black couch, mixed with old advertisement papers and condoms that might have expired this year, there’s a picture of your smile as I’ve never seen before. The face of you smiling in my memory has always been with the pair of round pale cheeks and eyes softly nice, unlike your usual straightforward stare. The smile that is wide enough to melt your cool obliviousness and eyes so sweet they melted mine as I gazed into yours, mellowly acknowledging that those eyes looked at another. The laughable, almost ridiculous irony, is that I’ve always thought that picture of your smile was focused and clear – as you had too, but after in quietness I sneaked your smile into my phone memory, it turned out to be blurry, just like the picture of the people around you. You remarked to me that the picture was blurred at the edges, around Oliver’s face and mine. We all were actually blurred.

In that poster, the one hiding under the couch, the one of you surrounded by even more people, is your face, slightly blurred as well, unlike the other faces. I suspect that you were unprepared for the picture. Perhaps you were in motion. Yet as I looked intently at your face, immortalized on a coloured piece of paper, the fascination swayed me in deeper and deeper. You look straight at me, yet it isn’t the cool gaze that had enthralled my eyes for a year – it is a look I’m not familiar with, yet I’m savouring that gaze curiously veiled in uncertainty.

It is the same uncertainty that a girl with a humble pearl earring once revealed through a painting. Your lips are as parted, and your eyes as whole as hers.

As I cling to you, the uncertainty sinks its fingertips deeper into my memories. As I reluctantly separate myself from the paper, so do the knuckles of uncertainty.

Yet as I lay helplessly in the crackling voice of Lykke Li holding in her nearly audible cry, I look back at the eyes that I gazed into in the dark as I plainly anticipated the word “friends.” The eyes whose genuine concern was clear under the yellow light, that I stubbornly, effortfully refused to face yet couldn’t run away from for long. The eyes that I impatiently tore my own from, that I wished deep down would watch me disappear but not see my thick sobs filling the air. The eyes that I knew that night would not look at mine like the year before, that would mirror someone else’s eyes.

And then, the eyes on the paper, the ones blurred with uncertainty. The eyes that I wonder about – the eyes unadorned with a pearl earring.

Underneath the sky the rain has stopped, leaving the wind to blow wistfully on the bowing grass.

The Queen Bed
February 10, 2013

The queen bed is our

love throne,

the humble witness of

our kiss,

the vast cushion for

our embrace.

The queen bed is

where I find you with

your sweet eyes shut

tight, and

your wispy breath seeping in

and out,

thick black threads

of hair

framing your pale beauty.

It is where you find me

kissing your lips good night

and your eyes good morning,

where I praise the Lord during sunrise

for you

and beg to Him during moonrise

for you.

The queen bed is where

we find one more day to be together,

and one more day we’ve been together.

My breath you draw,

Your gasp I catch,

Skin to skin and

hand in hand,

always face to face,

cheek to cheek,

eyes in eyes and

lips in lips,

love to love and

life to live,

on the

majestic queen bed.

Alejandro
January 3, 2013

Alejandro is handsome

But I love Alessandra.

A Midnight Heart Spills
July 21, 2011

I’ve been listening to several same songs for the past few days, all because of you. And today you asked me what was wrong, I didn’t have the courage to say.

You don’t know that you’ve haunted my mind since July 1st, don’t you? Because I covered everything inside.

Did I read any signals wrong? Because I’m completely thrown about in hesitation and doubts, thinking about you and the chances of your feeling for me. And I’ve been questioning myself too – is it a pure, genuine feeling, or is it my insecurity? Am I just having another grim mood, or am I going crazy?

All because of you – because of what I thought and asked about you.

Do I ever crossed your mind, for once, in a longing feeling? And I mean this apart from when you read anything in your facebook home about me. That’s also why I stopped putting in status and logged out after five seconds – I hate that I have the idea that it was always me who started a chat first, and that I have convinced myself you’re fed up of them by now.

I hate to think that I always miss you in my mind, while you have your own life. I know you have your own friends, your own life – your own pretend lover. Yes I knew about them, and I knew I’d hurt from jealousy to read anything about you and them. And yet, I still chose to. I chose to break what was left of the pieces of my heart, harder than before until they turned into plain dust, and I still looked for them and tried to break the dust. I’m surprised that I haven’t exploded from all these messy thoughts. I think I’m really going insane before August 20th.

And I still have no idea about how you might feel toward me.

It’s nearly two a.m. and I’m all alone, and I need you now.

It’s just that I don’t have the courage, not after you rejected to go out with me. Via facebook.

And I’m still missing you too much.

I Love You
May 15, 2010

I love you,

even if I don’t know you

even when you stay quiet

even when you make me mad

even when you run out of words

even when you hate me

even when you love someone else

even when you disappear for days, months, years

even when you reprimand me

even when you get sick

even when you keep complaining

even when you turn your back on me

even when you start getting some wrinkles

even when you act cold

even when you are crying

even when you’re not looking at me

even when you say you lose interest

I will still try to love you

And try and try and try

Whatever happens, I’ll try to keep loving you

I just hope that you will wait

Mr. Gentleman
March 18, 2010

Hello Mr. Gentleman

You are truly Mr. Gentleman

I know it the moment you say the word love

Staring deep into her eyes, before her eyes

It’s really nice to see you, Mr. Gentleman

How you confess your feelings with all your courage

Though I can hear you being nervous,

It’s truly a gentle thing for a man to do

Maybe now isn’t really your moment, Mr. Gentleman,

But someday, yes, someday I said, Sir,

A true woman will come into your life

Because you deserve it, Mr. Gentleman

Please keep being gentle

I’ve Learned About Love
November 25, 2009

If there’s some things I learn about love,

It’s only pain, and hurt, something I have to overcome

When love come to me, there’s no excitement for me

Instead, I hope it will go soon, and fast

Because I know it’s not a cozy feeling

And I know that it will end soon

Or else, I’ll have to end it

But any ways, there’s only one thing I learned about love

That love is painful and sad

For Some Reason…
October 26, 2009

I know that

For some reason, God must exist

Or, for other reasons, someone or something powerful

Yet full of love

Exists somewhere and watch me

 

For my wish has been granted

For my thought has been answered

I’m grateful for the someone who exists

For that someone takes care of me

 

(I met D today. I’m really happy!)

Invisible Lover
October 25, 2009

I came to see you but you didn’t see

I stood in front of you, but you didn’t notice

What should I do for you to realize

That I’m here, always here,

For you?

 

I know at times

I could be invisible

But now that I want to exist

For you to see me

Turns out you don’t

Might be me who forget

How to be seen

 

Somehow, I just don’t know how

 

I thought I’d always be invisible

So people can’t see me

But I was wrong

Love has seen me

But you don’t

Turns out I’m an invisible lover

 

How can I make myself be seen?

So that you’ll notice me

 

A Reason to Love
October 17, 2009

You ask why I love you

Well let me think it through

I guess it’s because of your sparkling, amazing eyes

Or maybe the way your laughter chimes

The curve of your lips when you smile

The humours you add in your lines

Your blonde, gold hair reminds me of cornfield

The softness of your skin as I glide my fingers on it

Your silence that encompass

The dreams you hold by your fingertips

I can’t really decide which to say

Or can I rewind all that stuffs?

I don’t love you because of reasons

I love you just coz I do

Cause you are you

And that’s all I need to love you

 

Because love is unreasonable

And reason doesn’t need love

And love doesn’t need reason

That’s why it is love